New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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