Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
