plz talk dirty to me
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
