It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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