You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
