We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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