Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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