Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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