Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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