theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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