that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
