I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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