WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
