ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
