So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
