Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
