you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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