You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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