just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
