I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
