how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
