I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
