I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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