do herpes really smell.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
