I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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