that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
