i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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