No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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