you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
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You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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