hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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