Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
