so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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