he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
