remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
