She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
