Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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