I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
