Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
