now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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