So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You took a bar mat shot.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
