Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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