Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
