R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
