then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
