Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
