do herpes really smell.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
