i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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