They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
