420 ftw
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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