I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
