my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
