apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
