Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
