It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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