i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
