I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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