"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
