you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
is wine microwaveable?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
